


We Are Still Alive.

by AliceinSpace



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Father/Daughter, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Joel and Ellie - Freeform, Life in Jackson, birthday talk, eventually, they fight a lot but they always fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:33:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25500676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliceinSpace/pseuds/AliceinSpace
Summary: “I’ve been fifteen since May!  I’m old enough.  And I’m signing up for patrols.  I told you because I…”  Her voice falters.  “I hoped you’d be proud.”An account of one of Ellie and Joel's many fights, but also an account of one of the many times they come back to each other.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 165





	We Are Still Alive.

“I didn’t come to ask your _permission_ , Joel!”

“Good! Because you ain’t gettin’ it!”

“I’m not a child! I’m fifteen!”

“You’re fourteen and a damn idiot, that’s what you are!”

“No, I’m not!”

“You ain’t old enough to join! Tommy put the age restriction for a reason and you are _not_ gonna lie your way in just so you can go out on _patrols_!”

“I _am_ fifteen, dammit!”

“Since _when_?”

“Last month!”

*****

He opens his mouth to shout back, all fear and rage and desperation, but the words shrivel and die as his brain catches up. His tongue feels like ash.

She barrels through. She has the upper hand for now. “I’ve been fifteen since May! I’m old enough. And I’m signing up for patrols. I told you because I…” Her voice falters. She swallows. “I hoped you’d be proud.”

She’s walking out, going to Tommy’s, going outside the walls, into the waiting arms of danger. Willingly.

He doesn’t stop her.

She doesn’t know if she wants him to.

*****

When she comes home that night – much, _much_ later that night – Joel is on the couch with his head in his hands.

The front door closes with a click and the lock slides into place.

With a heavy sigh, Ellie leans against it. “It’s done.”

Joel breathes so deeply, she swears she can feel it pull in the air between them. He lifts his face from his hands and falls back. She meets his eyes warily, but he looks soft and gentle again. Only she ever gets to see him like this. Her shoulders relax.

“Come ‘ere.” He gestures with a slow flick of his head.

She goes to him, her nerves uncoiling with each step. He lifts an arm and she falls right into him, tucking herself to his side, to the safety of him. They’re not usually like this. They are always open and honest with each other, sometimes painfully honest. Rarely do they touch. But Ellie relishes it on the seldom occasions it happens. She’s never known somewhere as safe, as real, as steadfast as Joel’s presence.

It is simultaneously exactly what she always imagined and better than her wildest dreams.

They sit like that for a long time in the dim light of the candles and the noise of the summer insects outside.

“I’ll be careful, you know,” she whispers. She’s desperate for him to believe her, to not be angry with her. “I promise. I’ll wear the gas masks too. No one will know that I’m immune. I just… I want to be of use to everyone. Since… the cure didn’t work out.”

He sighs heavily again. “When was your birthday?”

She hesitates. “May thirteenth.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Didn’t seem important.”

“Liar. You told Maria.”

Ellie stiffens. “How do you–?”

“She came by while you were with Tommy. Wanted to check in. She told me.” Joel shifts so he can look down at her. “Why’d you tell Maria? Not me? The truth.”

Ellie holds his gaze. “Because of Sarah.”

Confusion colors his face.

“I’m another year older now than she got to be.”

It sounds so stupid now that she’s saying it out loud, but she only wanted to spare him pain. She knows it’s still difficult for him. The picture of him and Sarah that Ellie kept for him stands on the table beside his bed.

He understands. His arm tightens around her. “Sarah’s birthday is in October,” he says finally and each word sounds like ice breaking, like walls crumbling, like the start of something that could heal. “October twenty-first. I remember on Halloween, we dressed her in this little orange dress that made her look like a pumpkin.” He rubs his eyes and chuckles.

Ellie digests this before asking tentatively, “When’s your birthday?”

It’s his turn to hesitate. When he answers, it is as if he is handing her a precious secret. In a way, he is. “September twenty-sixth.”

Outbreak Day.

The day Sarah died.

_Oh._

After a moment, Ellie asks, “Can we celebrate it? Like people did Before?”

“I don’t know, Ellie…”

“Just the two of us,” she hurries to say. “Maybe Tommy and Maria.”

“Birthdays were never a big thing for me.”

Ellie tries to understand, she really does.

Joel senses her disappointment. “We’ll see… We should do something for _yours_ first.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

She hugs him tightly.

*****

They sit in silence until it’s long past time for bed. Joel rouses her as she begins to doze and tells her to go upstairs and get some sleep, she’ll need it once she starts patrol training.

She hides a smile as they climb the stairs together.

“Joel?” she calls from the other end of the hall.

He stops, hand on his doorknob.

“Goodnight.”

He smiles softly at her. She can feel that smile. “Goodnight, Ellie. Happy birthday.”

**Author's Note:**

> Written on September 26, 2019 for Joel's birthday and Outbreak Day.
> 
> I love these two so much, it hurts.
> 
> A shout-out to mira_blue, who inspired me to post this older fic when they dealt with Ellie's birthday in their TLOU fic "Morning Sun." If you're looking for quality between-games, living-in-Jackson content, please check out this fic, it's spectacular!


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